Multi-dimensional!

One day, I thought I woke up in a different universe. A couple of things were... off. It was like I quantum tunneled across the multi-verse. Don't laugh! It's a real effect! Look it up! They did an experiment with photons! My brain switched from one body to another, consciousness trading places. I know there are an infinite number of universes, but only a finite number of Marcs. For the record, not all of them are security guards. The law of probabilities say at least a couple of them have to get laid. This is all science too, because Stephen Hawking put his stamp on it!

Rain

All this heat is making the clouds re-evaporate. It's like hurricanes. They're eaten up by this Sonoran air. Doesn't even rain here because of the rain shadow effect. Regular rain, we get that from the ocean. A monsoon's different. I don't count that as rain. Rain's weather. Did you know that?

Your cycle

I just tried to destroy the restroom at work. Had to hide under my hat from a girl that was on her way in when I was on the way out. Shouldn't be too bad for her in there though. If you must know, I missed my bio rhythm. I'll have to try again in twenty minutes. It's good to know your cycle.

Payday!

So, got paid on Friday... and now it's all gone. I wouldn't last a week in Vegas. I'd be a hobo, with the mafia after me. When they catch me, I ain't digging my own grave. I have back problems. They can dig it. I never understood that digging your own grave thing. What are they gonna do, shoot you? I mean, you already have the shovel, right? Just hit 'em with it. If they shoot you, so what? It's as easy as hitting on a girl while wearing your security guard uniform.

Bones!

What's the problem some people have with bones in their chicken wings? I'm like, "So, you wouldn't rip the feathers out of a turkey with your teeth?" That's why there's so many turkeys roaming around, because people won't rip their feathers out! Well, not here, exactly, but Mt. Lemmon. And you need a license to hunt them...

All this could be yours...

Advice

If someone ever asks you to get out of their vehicle to check the tires, don't do it! It's a long walk out of the Mojave Desert...

Expo Journey

I went to Anime Expo in LA over the weekend and saw many pretty ladies. I managed to remain a gentleman through it all. A frightened, cowardly gentleman. Yay!