Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Indiana Jones vs. The Spiders

I had a terrible dream. I was on an adventure with Harrison Ford and his wife, Ally McBeal. She was in to ghost hunting, Bigfoot hunting, and whatnot. She kept bothering Harrison until he would go on a real adventure with her. He was kind of dressed like Indy. She was too. We were in some jungle and I was smug because I got her to finance the expedition. Plus I convinced her to have her husband tag along. Of course, I didn't realize I'd be carrying her damn bags through pitch black jungle.

After crossing a broken rope bridge, we saw a huge tree. Harrison was all pissed off but there were ruined huts. He commented on how big the tree was. I said, "Look out!" The branches started moving. They were legs. At first, I thought crabs. No, they were spider legs. "Bunny spiders!" I yelled. They were giant spiders with pink bunnies attached to their backs with smiling faces. They had bodies as big as human torsos and legs that were several feet long and sharp, like crab legs. They dropped down on us. Harrison was screaming...

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Midgets... both hilarious and arousing.

I think I would like to be a midget pimp. I could rent them out to truck drivers, like from a Red Box type of thing. Then, if the truck drivers get pulled over by highway patrol, they could stash them under their seat. I would have to have both sexes available since half of truck drivers are gay. I wonder if they would fit in a mailbox. I would probably have to find a way to fit in some AC. The midgets would come with anti-bactarial wipes so the user could clean them afterwards. No, those will have to be purchased extra, like a dollar a wipe. A buyer could also purchase optional dog treats to reward the midgets for a job well done. Don't worry though, I won't make them work like eight days a week. I'm not a mad man. I might have to start this business venture in another country.