Thursday, October 11, 2012

New phone!

So, I finally got a new phone. No more of that cheap Cricket crap for me. I'm in the future with iPhone power! I asked my new phone "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" It answered me the following:

"Well, since a 'woodchuck' is really a groundhog, the correct question would be: How many pounds in a groundhog's mound when a groundhog pounds hog mounds?"

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Quantum Tunneling

Time and research has revealed the truth of it all to me. Everyone knows Disneyland is run by Bertillion aliens from the outer space of another dimension. Walt Disney was experimenting in 1950s style mind control for the CIA and its Freemason friends. The practice of homosexuality for Disney Freemasons was not the healthy kind because it involved small children, as in Mickey Mouse Club member rejects. For example, Jack Parsons, the NASA pioneer. That's what my dream meant. I need to join the Mickey Mouse Club... or NASA.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Adventure or dream...

So, there I was, at Disneyland! The happiest place on Earth! Then, I realize something... This place is a little too happy. A lot of people are wearing red shirts, all over the place. Red shirts on men, more men, women with other women. I have a strange feeling about this. Maybe it's the red shirts that say "get your Disney fast pass here" with an arrow pointing towards the crotch. Maybe it's all the rainbow colored Mickey pins. Maybe it's the red shirts with Mickey Mouse kissing another Mickey Mouse, or all the other red shirts with stuff about cuddling so hard and California Bears or "It's a gay world after all." It could be the red shirts that say "Anaheim Gay Days 2012." Any of those things could be giving me strange feelings about the situations. I only know one thing for certain, I'm here another three days, and I only packed red shirts... It's a good thing I know about quantum tunneling.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

I know what I saw!

Had an adventure 'bout midnight when picking up my bro from his work. He was like, "Hey, what's that weird blue light in the sky? It's moving funny. It changes back to green and moves erratically."

The chase was on!

We drove around, filming as we went. We got to an RV park, Lazyboy, on Benson Highway and Country Club. We pulled over by one of those sleazy hotels to get a better look. Then a police sheriff pulls over, then another, and another. A helicopter comes in, spotlighting the light. Some gangsta also pulled over and yells, "What the fuck is that, bro?!" Then two crackheads pull over saying, "Holy Jesus! My headlights won't work! Is it that light that did it?" They then notice the police and take off.

It was a toy, by the way.

Thursday, July 19, 2012


One day, I thought I woke up in a different universe. A couple of things were... off. It was like I quantum tunneled across the multi-verse. Don't laugh! It's a real effect! Look it up! They did an experiment with photons! My brain switched from one body to another, consciousness trading places. I know there are an infinite number of universes, but only a finite number of Marcs. For the record, not all of them are security guards. The law of probabilities say at least a couple of them have to get laid. This is all science too, because Stephen Hawking put his stamp on it!


All this heat is making the clouds re-evaporate. It's like hurricanes. They're eaten up by this Sonoran air. Doesn't even rain here because of the rain shadow effect. Regular rain, we get that from the ocean. A monsoon's different. I don't count that as rain. Rain's weather. Did you know that?

Your cycle

I just tried to destroy the restroom at work. Had to hide under my hat from a girl that was on her way in when I was on the way out. Shouldn't be too bad for her in there though. If you must know, I missed my bio rhythm. I'll have to try again in twenty minutes. It's good to know your cycle.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012


So, got paid on Friday... and now it's all gone. I wouldn't last a week in Vegas. I'd be a hobo, with the mafia after me. When they catch me, I ain't digging my own grave. I have back problems. They can dig it. I never understood that digging your own grave thing. What are they gonna do, shoot you? I mean, you already have the shovel, right? Just hit 'em with it. If they shoot you, so what? It's as easy as hitting on a girl while wearing your security guard uniform.

Thursday, July 12, 2012


What's the problem some people have with bones in their chicken wings? I'm like, "So, you wouldn't rip the feathers out of a turkey with your teeth?" That's why there's so many turkeys roaming around, because people won't rip their feathers out! Well, not here, exactly, but Mt. Lemmon. And you need a license to hunt them...

Saturday, July 7, 2012


If someone ever asks you to get out of their vehicle to check the tires, don't do it! It's a long walk out of the Mojave Desert...

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Expo Journey

I went to Anime Expo in LA over the weekend and saw many pretty ladies. I managed to remain a gentleman through it all. A frightened, cowardly gentleman. Yay!