Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Work Ethic MUTHAFUCKA!!!

There I was, performing my patented Vulture Maneuver. That's what I call it when I'm working and I circle a kiosk where a nice looking lady's working a few times before I swoop in for the kill. I had just completed the swooping and perched myself nicely to begin my feast when someone came up to me and offered me a job as a financial adviser.

Forget the fact that I have seven credit cards and all of them have been maxed out since about a week after being issued. Pizza is important to every diet and it's not my fault they make it so expensive to have three meals a day. You see, having good judgement with money surely has nothing to do with telling others to have good judgement with money. This guy told me he liked my work ethic, and that's the important thing.

Picture me moonlighting as a financial adviser, becoming a CEO of my own company. We'll have a military contract to make flying robotic tanks and also have robot strippers. Hopefully, the robot strippers don't crush the pelvises of our clientele. CEO MUTHAFUCKA!!!

Unless it's all a scam... He's probably luring me to an investor meeting in disguise. If that's the case, I can always rob him, mess up his car, and take his tires. I do need new tires... CEO MUTHAFUCKA!!! I should make a rap song. CEO MUTHAFUCKA! CEO BITCH!

Friday, April 19, 2013

Cross Species Genetics

An eagle, or something similar, recently swooped down at me. Not sure if it intended to attack me in order to claim my sweet eye juices, or it desired to carry me away to its young. Either way, it got me thinking. If I had my own race of human/eagle children, I could use them to do my bidding.

The problem with cross-species breeding is that the male of one species has to be smaller than the female of the species you are trying to breed it with. That means it would not be as simple as me having sex with a female eagle. However, if I could breed a male eagle with a female elephant, perhaps I could make an eagle creature large enough for me to breed with. That could work. I hope my children will enjoy the taste of regurgitated hummus.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Reptiles Mooning Me

So, I saw a documentary made in France about a private school that feeds kids all organic food. They do it as a type of experiment. You see, their district was like something out of a ending of a sci-fi movie, like in Scanner Darkly. It had guys who look like astronauts spraying pesticides and all of them are dying of cancer. It shows how the Illuminati control the world's food supply, and how even in France, they are being affected by birth deformities, young farmers dying of cancer at an extremely high rate.

The Illuminati control things from companies like Monsanto, trying to rule the world through the destruction of all organic food. Illuminati's Bechtel Corporation, who now own 90% of the world's water, international banks, paramilitary corporations, World Bank... They even want to turn the moon into a microwave transmitter. That way, they can control our brains through something called the Floyd effect, which makes you hear voices inside your head.

Fucking reptiles!

All the Illuminati bloodlines are reported to have a bloodlust, a type of genetic porphoria, true vampirism. They can induce a hypnotic state through their eyes and have psychic powers. But humans are evolving, and they aren't the only ones with power. That's what they fear most.

These truly powerful shaman have been contacted by extraterrestrials. The Illuminati need to control substances like power plants and ethenogenics, power plants like mushrooms and peyote, keep us malnourished  to keep our powers at bay. Plants, through nutrition and psychedelics, can give us more power than any human blood drinker can ever fathom. Not only have the plants been evolved, but aliens also introduced substances like DMT and possibly peyote to help us in our battle against these nephelim, sons of the gods, or fallen angel bloodline bastards of alien scum and human mothers.

In all interpretations of all forms of religion, all the hybrids were wiped out by the gods themselves because, unfortunately, it is the human part that is the devious part. The aliens have also chosen avatars or prophets like Moses. Pharoah's people are jealous. Pharoah's people are snakes. I should start a cult.

Anyway, the message is I should eat more organic. We all should. For that's what god or gods intended. Now where'd I put that mana cheeseburger at? Maybe next to the ambrosia fruit...