Thursday, May 30, 2013
Reading the novel Battle for Blood - The Blood Feud is a sci-fi experience that's almost as good as having a midget in your pants. I'm talking about a midget with regular fingers too, not one of those with the sausage fingers. Welcome to lollipop world!
Battle for Blood has zombies, of course, and I like that. I can truly identify with their down to earth personalities. They make me smile with familiarity, like going to a family reunion if my family was a bunch of 'me's. I love how they smoke hair. If they're not going to make marijuana legal in the United States, they should at least make that legal. I've heard that pubic hair gets you the highest, but I haven't tried it yet.
The love story with the vampires is fun too. The vampire chick is hot, even if she's not a midget. She should have gotten involved with one of the zombies instead of another vampire. Vampires are freakin' froo froo with frilly lace, even if these ones are a bit more brutal with their viking-like ways. A zombie would have been a better match for her, just like I'm a better match for all the ladies. Hear that? I'm still single, by the way. Wink, wink. Give me a call sometime.
There's the aliens where the zombies and vampires invade too, but I think of them as merely fodder for the story, and that works. Super Priest kind of steals the show at the end, and I appreciate that. Overall, I give the story a rating of 4 out of 5 midgets! Get your copy today!
Now that I think about it, maybe I don't like midgets. They do have those midget teeth...
Thursday, May 2, 2013
I pride myself on trying to make the world a better place, but so much stands in the way. I'm sick of so much scum on the streets, so I am going to become a vigilante super hero. I will be known as the trash man because I take out the trash! The villain would be the recycler, because he puts the trash back out on the streets. I could use a trash bag as my costume. I wonder if I will have a problem breathing in it. Do super heroes have to wear pants? Because I have to be able to move freely.