Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Ninja Diet

In my quest for weight loss, I have developed numerous diets. Each one works in its own way, though those ways do not necessarily lead to weight loss. This latest one could prove as effective as any of the others though. I call it the NINJA DIET!

The thought here is that if you can sneak up on your food, eat it before it realizes that it is being eaten, it has less calories to attack you with. Of course the sneaking up part is good for exercise too.

In a ninja diet, you're not supposed to have spicy food because they dull the senses. Only bland food. The essence of bland food heightens the senses to new... heights! That makes it so you can taste the air better for your ninja activities. I can feed off the dirt and tell you how many earthworms have gone to the bathroom there in the last hour once my ninja powers awaken.

Also, I need to restrict my main eating times to night. All the ninjas come out at night, swifty shadows of death. Except for me. I kind of gallop. You're also supposed to have bright vegetables, not dark vegetables. If you cook vegetables too long, it dulls the spirit of the vegetables. Do not dilute the power of the vegetable! Under this diet, my body will become a shadow of power. Perhaps I will even achieve the ultimate goal of the ninja, being that after a ninja dies, his corpse will be able to melt through walls.

Ninja vanish...

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